October 29, 2013
Your children are only young once. The holidays are a special for our children. Even though you and your partner may be going through a divorce, now is the time to put your children first. Allyson Hughes, P.A. prides herself on helping her clients coordinate time sharing during the holidays so everyone can enjoy this special time of year. Below is an article on creating nice memories for your child.
Work On Creating a Nice Memory for Your Child By Gary Direnfeld
Q: Halloween is just a few days away. My ex-wife had our daughter last year and it is supposed to be my turn this year. Just because my ex doesn’t like my choice in costume she says she won’t let our daughter do trick or treating with me. I don’t like being controlled and told what to do. How do I stand my ground and make her give me our daughter?
A: Bear in mind, Halloween is about the kids, not one parent’s choice of costume over the other.
From that perspective, if a costume is the only thing standing in the way of seeing your daughter, then give up your choice of costume and enjoy Halloween with your daughter. Make your daughter the priority and don’t get inducted into power struggles.
If you are thinking about agreeing to her costume and then changing it once your daughter is with you, then consider how that move will play out for the next holiday. There will be no trust between you or whatever trust you may have had will be lost. Every holiday will then be a battle.
At the end of the day, you really should ask yourself, what do you want your child’s memories of these special times to be? Will their memories be one of happiness and enjoyment or one of parental conflict and turmoil? Will your daughter view you as reasonable and easy to get along with or a parent whose battle with the other parent took priority from your time and attention from her? How you manage this will set the tone for how your daughter feels about this, other holidays and even you, for the rest of her life.
Always make time with your daughter the priority. Do what you can to reduce conflict, even if it means giving something up from time to time. As your daughter ages, she will come to experience you as a reasonable parent. This then plays into the lifelong relationship with your child.
Some day you will want your daughter to invite you to go with your grandchild on Halloween. Creating the best memory for her now can help that come true.